2009

I'm a little nervous about posting this is my other blog, the one that my parents and friends read. I'm afraid they're going to think I seriously depressed. So I'm posting it here until tomorrow night, then I'll see how I feel about going "public" with it . . .

2008

This time last year I had just finished packing up my entire apartment in Knoxville and moved into the RC in Atlanta. I was reveling in living so close to the church, the gym, and my internship. I had a new roommate, a new place to decorate, and I was almost finished with school.

I just went back and read a few entries from the next few months and it is very noticeable to me what I left out. In my constant efforts to focus on the positive in any situation and not dwell on the negative, to convince everyone, myself included, that everything was or would be alright, my entries from January through April 2008 in no way reflect the emotional turmoil I experienced. And in many ways, am still experiencing the aftershocks of.

This time last year, I felt like I had the whole world in front of me. I was excited about my career, the people I would be helping, the worlds I'd be opening up to patients and their families, the adventures, the job I was sure to be offered. But by the end of April, after three months of crying my way home every day from the stress, I just wanted to sleep for days. Weeks.

I enjoyed some down time. Volunteered, worked out, went to the beach, read, cleaned. A month of that was planned. The additional 3 months it took to find work were not. I passed up an extraordinary opportunity in order to stay close to home and friends and save money. But I eventually took 3 jobs which use my skills and education in some capacity and with that I charge forward.

Am I where I thought I'd be this time last year? No. Nowhere near it. But as always, I try to focus on the positive - friends, family, community, the things I do have rather than what I wish I had. Financial security, a full-time job, health insurance, benefits, a relationship, opportunities to travel, to volunteer stress-free, professional growth, everyday adventure. I had these things once upon a time, then I took a major detour somewhere.*

I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore, but if nothing else, this year I want to get back a little of that me that got left behind on the detour. I'd like to think that 2009 will be a year of self-discovery and self-recovery.

Now, how about some champagne?

*Actually, I know exactly where that detour happened. It was when I made the financially and professionally foolish decision to return to school for a degree in a dead-end, disrespected, misunderstood profession. But that would just hurt too many feelings, so I'll be leaving that out.